Thursday, March 22, 2018

A "Chi" of realization....

As I stepped on the set of “The Chi” I never knew how this episode would affect my life.  I thought it was an ordinary day on set.   I was doing double duty as background and stand in.  I sat there for awhile hearing the lines being delivered. Then I started to listen, that’s when I realized it was me she was talking about in those lines she was delivering so well, about being molested as a child.   I also realized at that very moment that I had not dealt with the emotions of being molested by not just one person but several in my childhood.  The hurt was deep and daunting at the same time.  So strong that I had to leave set for awhile and was comforted by some of the most amazing women.  It was nice to look up from my tears and see such love and support in that moment of realization, it was beautiful. Thank you to all of them.

I don’t know what to do with this pain.  As I got older, I thought I had dealt with it, but God had a way of showing me that I hadn’t and if haven’t then there are other women my age who haven’t either.

 Since that experience I have been in conflict with myself as to tell my story, my truth or not.  I keep having conversations with God telling him that I can’t, but my spirit says I can and I must.   As we know our flesh can get in the way of our spirit and the direction God wants us to go.  So, after many many tears I have decided to tell “My Story” Of Sexual Molestation and what it does to a young girl and boys. However, I am unsure as to what direction that will be. I have a deadline to make my final decision, to create my own platform or go with an established one. Either way my story will be told. With tears heartache and betrayal in tow.  Thank you to the brilliant writer who dares tackle such a controversial subject but most importantly thank you for making me realize, that I had not.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

I have a lot to day about life.  Some good some not so good.